Castle Improvement
by CrashFan93
Summary: On a hot summer's day, a wealthy business tycoon offers to repair and upgrade Cortex Castle for its residents. Doctor Neo Cortex along with his minions give their ideas for the re-imagined property and sign for it. The crew have to live elsewhere while the work is being carried out and they end up staying in the one place Cortex never thought he would be in his wildest dreams.
1. Chapter 1: The Wealthy Visitor

**CASTLE IMPROVEMENT**

**Summary: On a hot summer's day, a wealthy business tycoon offers to repair and upgrade Cortex Castle for its residents. Doctor Neo Cortex along with his minions give their ideas for the re-imagined property and sign for it. The crew have to live elsewhere while the work is being carried out. **

**After every hotel in Wumpa Town refuses to take them in due to their past evil deeds, they end up staying in the one place Cortex never thought he would in his wildest dreams... **

_**Disclaimer: **__Crash Bandicoot is the property of Activision._

**Chapter 1: The Wealthy Visitor **

On one of the hottest days of the year, the evil Doctor Neo Cortex was stuck in his office, trying to come up with ways to destroy Crash Bandicoot and/or conquer the world.

Scribbling on a notepad, he kept tossing plans into a remote-control trash can which he periodically emptied by steering it to a garbage chute at the window that led to a skip at the bottom of the castle with even more amounts of paper.

"Creating a fleet of giant robotic ants? Tried it. Amnesia inducing ray? How cliche! Turn N. Sanity Island into a concrete parking lot? Too Oxide!" He sighed, pulled his jet-black beard in frustration and slouched in his seat after throwing yet another paper ball into the trash. He was hot and bothered, he liked the warm climate, but sometimes it became unbearable. Giving up, he slammed his fist on the table, tore himself off of the sweat-stained seat and left the room.

Taking a walk through the Great Hall, Cortex thought long and hard about rebuilding the castle to its former glory – a fortress to be feared for its power instead of feared for safety reasons; massive pits in the floor, corridors going pitch black all the time, sentient blobs jumping about everywhere, giant axes swinging about, and the overabundance of rats and spiders. And that was before the fire damage a few years back, when Crash stormed the castle to rescue his then girlfriend Tawna. Now the castle had a dank, damp smell that even Tiny Tiger could not stand! Rooftop beams had started to fall in, leaks dripped through the ceiling whenever it rained and it had started going dark more regular than before, since his _Cortex Power _facility also fell foul to the bandicoot.

Pausing at a balcony, Cortex opened his wallet and a moth flew out. "Ugh. Not even the moths want to live here."

A few moments later, he entered the Main Lab at the top of the castle where his henchmen were taking it easy.

His right-hand man Doctor N. Gin was playing Tiny at Snakes & Ladders, the tiger was watching his counter very carefully as he made his move, N. Gin trying his best to be patient.

Komodo Joe was testing his reflexes by dicing food in the air with his sword to make a sandwich. Him and his brother Moe had a disagreement, mainly whose fault it was they failed back when they first meet Crash. Joe decided to stay at Cortex Castle while their feud continued.

Don Pinstripe Potoroo was on the couch in his fabulous pink/red suit, killing time by reading his favorite book '_The Mobfather'_. Unlike the others, he had his own place with his potoroo gangsters in an apartment next to the Crate Factory in Downtown Wumpa that he uses as a front where he manufactures Nitro and TNT crates for his paying clients. Sometimes he went over to Cortex's base to keep up to date on plans he feels could benefit himself, plus he was easily amused by the antics. He also found love in the eyes of Tawna of all people making a few individuals, particularly Cortex feel incredibly awkward.

And finally, Doctor Ripper Roo was on the computer checking up reviews of his acclaimed autobiography, "_Through the Eyes of the Vortex", _of course he was using his foot to move the mouse. Since becoming an inspiring governor, rumors of him running for President persist, becoming more likely as he might have a chance against another crazy person.

"Dr. Cortex, you're just in time to witness the thrilling conclusion." N. Gin spoke in his cyborg voice although Neo could tell he was being sarcastic.

"Hey N. Gin."

"Still can't think of a good plan huh?"

"Don't worry 'bout it, the bone-headed mask freak just left on his vacation a few days back. Relax Doc." Pinstripe said in his strong mafia accent.

Cortex turned around to face him. "I suppose you're right. It's not just that, I've been doing a lot of thinking and..." ***ROAR***

"**Tiny land on snake again! I hate this game!"** Tiny chucked the board game out the window, hitting a bird perched underneath.

"I dissspissse it. Paintsss reptiles in a negative light. Ssssso wrong!" Joe said.

"It's probably 'cos your voice sounds stupid." Pinstripe snickered.

"**Take that back, rodent!" **Joe pointed his blade.

"Bring it on, **Kaa!"** Pinstripe wielded his Thomson SMG.

"Why I oughta..."

Cortex jumped in between the mutants. "Minions please, can't we get through one day without wanting to kill each other?"

"Fine wi' me." They folded their arms.

"Good. As I was saying, with Uka Uka away, we should focus our attention on improving the poor workmanship of this castle."

N. Gin stood up from his chair. "Nonsense boss, it's perfectly workable." A rooftop beam promptly fell and crushed the seat he was previously sitting in. "Point made."

"Unfortunately, there's no funds to even start refurbishing, and it definitely needs more than a lick of paint." Cortex, with his hands behind his back walked over to the bay window, which gave a massive viewpoint of Cortex Island. "We need a silver lining. Just something... Hold on!" He grabbed a pair of binoculars and zoomed onto the jetty near the old factory. Someone had set foot on the island with the use of a fancy yacht.

The male visitor began walking up to the castle. He was an anthropomorphic marsupial with purple fur, a tan muzzle and a thin mustache that went down his cheeks. He had an extremely upper-class dress sense; he wore a white tailor-made suit with matching shoes, shiny cufflinks and a red tie. He also bore sunglasses and had a briefcase complimenting his demeanor.

"This guy dresses snazzier than you, Pinstripe." Cortex whistled. He turned around to find a Tommy gun pointed at his face.

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing. Looks like he's going to knock the front door." Suddenly as Neo headed towards the stairs he froze and had a look of complete fear on his face. "Hang on. Where's Dingodile?"

In the castle Basement, Dingodile was doing a bit of target practice with the aid of his flamethrower, blasting fireballs at a manikin doll with a picture of Crash's face plastered over it. Out of all of Cortex's minions, Dingodile was the most determined to incinerate the marsupial. He still thought about his humiliating defeat in the Ice Age from time to time, and then on top of that a penguin jumped on top of him. In order to stop fires, Cortex made the floor and walls fireproof, immediately sizzling out flames.

As Dingodile took aim, a woman's horrified scream broke his concentration, it was the doorbell. "If this is another bible thumper their gonna experience Hell like no other." He climbed the stairs to the lobby.

Meanwhile, Cortex and co. were running down the main stairwell that led to the entrance. Neo had his ray gun set to Stun in case he had to subdue the hybrid. "**Hurry!** We can't let him scare off that gentleman."

"Well just so yous know, it won't be me standing up to him." Pinstripe stated.

"Insssolent coward." Komodo Joe remarked.

"The guy's got a big ass flamethrower!"

Too late...

"G'day mate."

The man outside had his face stuck in a file. "Good afternoon, I believe this is the castle of Dr... **Yikes!"** He shrieked and hid behind his folder.

"Dingodile's the name, and I'm sorry, but a Dr. Yikes doesn't live here."

Cortex suddenly appeared. "**He's meaning me you buffoon!** You just frightened the life out of him!" He pushed the dingo/croc into the castle and stepped outside to talk to the fancy fellow. "Sorry about that, he doesn't realize how scary he looks to strangers." He shrugged and then extended his hand. "Dr. Neo Cortex – Super Genius." He proudly proclaimed.

"It's quite alright, no harm done. I'm glad to finally meet you Doctor." The man gladly returned the hand shake, then he presented his business card. "Vincent."

On the card it featured a beautiful white mansion with a sparkling water fountain and tennis court in the front. Fancy writing lay over it along with palm trees as a border.

'_DEVIL HOMES – TURNING YOUR DREAM HOUSE INTO A REALITY'_

He smiled. "Vincent DeVil, the Viscount."

END OF CHAPTER 1

**For those who don't know, the Viscount was a main character from the 2006 Party Game Crash Boom Bang! He was on the hunt for the elusive Super Big Power Crystal. It was not a good game at all, but I found the Viscount interesting. I gave him Vincent DeVil as his name as I thought it went well with his title. What do you think of him so far?**


	2. Chapter 2: Castle Hassle

**CASTLE IMPROVEMENT**

**Authors note: Hey guys. I'm back with the next chapter of my **_**Crash Bandicoot **_**story. Sorry it took a while. I am currently playing and enjoying **_**CTR Nitro-Fueled! **_**Anyway, in this part Doctor Neo Cortex shows the Viscount, Vincent DeVil the living conditions of Cortex Castle. **

**Also, for reference the characters have their current **_**N. Sane**_**/**_**Nitro-Fueled**_** designs. **

_**Disclaimer: **__Crash Bandicoot is the property of Activision. 'Celebration' is owned by Kool & The Gang._

**Chapter 2: Castle Hassle **

In the cool stonewall lobby of Cortex Castle, Vincent the Viscount stood with an awkward grin as he gazed at Dr. Neo Cortex's associates; a muscle-bound tiger in a loincloth, a pyromaniac dingo/crocodile, a demented scientist with a live missile lodged in his head, a lizard swinging a ragged sword about, a sly potoroo in a pink suit, and an insane blue kangaroo in a straitjacket. It was by far the strangest family he had met in his career.

"Allow me to introduce my hench... Er friends." Cortex cleared his throat. "Dr. N. Gin, Tiny **STOP PICKING YOUR BELLY BUTTON! **He who nearly gave you a heart attack is Dingodile. Komodo Joe, Ripper Roo or Dr. Roo as he likes to be known, and that ray of sunshine is Pinstripe who is delighted to meet you too."

"Ecstatic." the potoroo said with heavy sarcasm. "Look buddy, what's your game exactly?"

"I assure you there's no game. What I'm presenting is merely an opportunity to turn this God forsaken base into a powerful and less hazardous castle to plan your evil deeds." Vincent explained.

"Evil deeds?" Cortex had a look of alarm across his face. "No, you've got it wrong. We uh... bake cakes here. You simply must try N. Gin's strawberry tarts!"

Unconvinced, Vincent opened the front door and pointed outside. "I see, so that's why you have a toxic waste plant?"

"That's not functional anymore. Ever since a disaster a few years back it's been lying dormant."

"Huh. I had no idea a bandicoot was capable of that much damage."

"My castle didn't get off easy either. Hold on, what bandicoot?" Cortex narrowed his eyes.

"Be honest Doctor, I saved a few newspapers." the visitor revealed a bundle of the _Wumpa Times_.

The first had a photo of Crash and Tawna on Cortex's airship with the castle burning in the background; 'LOCAL BANDICOOT SAVES THE WUMPA ISLANDS AND RESCUES GIRLFRIEND', then a photo of the Cortex Vortex Space Station getting blown up; 'CRASH, COCO, AND NITRUS BRIO SAVE EARTH', and finally Crash and Coco in Ancient Egypt; 'CRASH AND COCO SAVE TIME ITSELF!'.

"**GIVE ME THOSE!" **Neo snatched the papers and threw them at Dingodile who quickly burned the bundle with his flamethrower.

"Hey, I don't judge you." the Viscount held up his hands and brushed back his glossy brown hair. "I actually admire your accomplishments. This is your chance to start a new, you want to take over the world, so show how bad you mean it."

Cortex beamed a sinister smile. "Yes! I like the sound of that."

"Hope you don't mind my asking..." N. Gin began.

"Shoot." Vincent said.

Pinstripe whipped his gun out, but Cortex immediately grabbed it off him. "Not literally you dummy!"

"Do you seriously think you can save this place from extinction?" N. Gin finished.

"I know I can."

As Vincent looked around the bottom level writing down notes, Team Cortex were in a huddle.

"So, what do you minions think of him?" Cortex asked.

"He ssssseemssss nicccce." Joe commented.

"Tiny like guest." Tiny growled.

"Swank suit too, mate." Dingodile added.

"Boss, if Uka Uka came back and seen a vastly better lair he wouldn't get mad at you." N. Gin suggested.

"Oh no he'll still find his ways, but it could decrease his tantrums." Cortex chuckled at the thought. "Roo what do you think? As a potential president I think your opinion counts." He nodded in agreement.

Pinstripe however had doubts. "I don't think we should trust him fellas. I smell a rat and I can tell you it ain't me."

"Dr. Cortex?" Vincent popped into the circle causing the potoroo to jump. "You ready to show me the place?"

"Certainly." Cortex rubbed his palms together. "The rest of you, keep yourselves occupied while I show our new friend around." As him and the Viscount turned, they were greeted by the large teeth of Tiny. "That includes you, Tiny." As the mutant left, he grinned at the starstruck tycoon. "My most loyal henchman. Some people have a guard dog, I have Tiny Tiger."

"How riveting."

Later, Cortex took Vincent throughout the blacked-out hallways of the interior carrying a lantern.

"Because of that orange skunk these corridors have been constantly dark. Watch your feet by the way, rats are common and yet they move in a line right into the pits, don't ask me why."

"And these floating platforms?"

"The floor kept giving way so I had no choice, but to program them like this." They were forced to squeeze together on a platform in order to cross the chasms.

"So, you're a Tasmanian devil eh?"

He nodded. "I come from a whole generation of rich Tasmanian devils. My grandad was my greatest inspiration. He scoured the globe for lost treasures like the infamous Hand of Midas and the City of Atlantis, but his most wanted possession was the Super Big Power Crystal. A crystal which according to legend could grant the one who found it one wish for anything their heart desires. He would do anything to get his hands on it. I was ten at the time and he would always tell me about his incredible adventures, he also said he'd like me to travel with him across the world. My mother and father were dead against this deeming it too dangerous for a kid my age. One day he discovered the approximate location of the Crystal and offered me the chance to see it for myself, but my mother refused to let me go. That was the last I seen him, as that night a heavy thunderstorm wrecked the sea. My grandad's boat crashed into an iceberg, split in half and sank. He didn't make it." Vincent's purple ears drooped.

"I'm _so_ sorry to hear." Cortex cringed at what he said. "He never found the Crystal then?"

"No. My folks called it karma. But you know what, people said that about that Steve Irwin guy, yet he still inspired so many people."

"Heh, Dingodile wasn't his biggest fan."

They entered the Main Lab which was silent of moronic minions. Vincent gazed around the room in shock and awe at all the technological equipment; table tops littered with vials of unidentified substances, numerous computer consoles, a bullet board with blueprints of inventions and a gigantic satellite view of Earth. The biggest attraction was the rebuilt machines, the Evolvo-Ray and Cortex Vortex.

"What made you start DeVil Homes, Vincent?"

"Over time I eventually realized the most valuable treasure: family. My goal is to invest and improve the lives of those whose houses have fallen into disrepair."

Cortex covered his mouth as if he were about to throw up, the Viscount picked up on this. The two men walked outside on the balcony view point with Cortex's airship in their sights.

"How's the weather out here?"

"Amazing, however it can get intolerable at the worst of times like today. The two other islands are prone to bad winters, but not this one." Neo said as he wiped the sweat off his big cranium.

"Very good. I really like your airship, very unique for a villain of your stature." Vincent said.

"Why thank you, what better mode of transport is there? I made quite a few of these babies and gave some to Pinstripe for his sky casino."

Out of the corner of his eye, Vincent was certain he had seen some creepy yellow eyes staring at him like daggers through a grating in the wall. When he got closer, the figure reached a big hand out revealing itself as a disfigured old man with a bald head, white beard and a mental problem. "**What the devil?!" **

"**Aghh! **Help me." he snorted.

Cortex ran over and kicked the freak into the grating. "**Get back in there!" **

Vincent simply blinked in disbelief.

Over the course of the afternoon, it quickly became clear to Vincent the amount of workload required for tackling such a giant eyesore. He partially felt empathy for the doctor, one of the world's best evil geniuses to have such an embarrassing lair. Even Dr. Eggman would be howling at how abysmal it is: the castle Library didn't have a roof which meant most of the books were growing moss (According to Cortex it gives _Jack and the Beanstalk _a more 'natural' look.), in the Temple underneath Cortex and Vincent were constantly speared and crushed, one of the out of control blobs briefly ate the purple marsupial before Cortex disintegrated it, leaving Vincent covered in green goo, and one of the towers collapsed before they could even enter.

"Hmm, that's the third tower this week." Cortex remarked.

An hour later, Vincent was drained with exhaustion, and he had the hair style of Don King. He wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead as he checked off the last room on his clipboard. "The Great Hall huh? We'll see." To his astonishment, the Great Hall was in much better quality with beautiful stained-glass windows of Cortex, again most of the floor was gone, but Cortex had constructed proper walkways.

"Well I have to say, I'm pleasantry surprised. It's a simple, but perfectly grand hallway, and where is that triumphant sounding music coming from?"

"Beats me." Cortex shrugged. "That's the tour. Any questions?"

"Plenty, but first I want to know one thing."

Outside at the dreaded High Road. "**What kind of messed up bridge is this?! **It took me ten attempts to get to the other end, with a multitude of missing and broken panels I felt like I was doing several Long Jumps at the Olympics, and another thing, what's the deal with the turtles and hogs? Yeah, like it's not tricky enough to jump the gaps, now I need to bounce on turtle shells and avoid hogs?!"

"Did you get the Relic?"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Well, the point I'm making is its far too treacherous for other people to cross. Jeez, I'd rather ride a unicycle blindfolded on the Great Wall of China than go through this again. Enough about that, let's discuss in detail what can be improved upon."

In the castle Breakroom, the minions were busy preparing a surprise party for Vincent for the simple fact he survived the castle, with balloons, confetti and food. N. Gin and Dingodile were putting up balloons, Joe was keeping one eye on the oven while he dusted cobwebs, Tiny was mopping the floor although he had accidentally mopped himself into a corner, Ripper Roo was washing dishes with his tongue, and Pinstripe was sitting on his butt, feet up, reading a magazine.

The Breakroom itself was very basic in layout, a big round table in the center with an embossed 'N' table cover and a kitchen at the side, the wall had sheets of recipes N. Gin made including blueberry muffins, bat wing cakes, lemon and lime donuts, and seagull pie. The color of the room was a welcoming white with a lone mini palm tree in the corner.

"Any excuse for a buffet huh? Not that I'm against it." Dingodile commented.

"The way I see it if this guy wants to rebuild this cesspool, then we have to show willingness." N. Gin said.

"Man, that Liz is a _fine _piece of work!"

"Pinstripe! Get your face out of that _Bandiboy _and give us a hand. It'll ruin your eyes."

"Ok mom." the gangster rolled his eyes.

N. Gin put his hands on his hips. "Don't take that tone with me mister. We have to interpret that we're not a bunch of brain-dead layabouts."

Pinstripe stood up. "Well pardon me for having instincts, this guy looks like a classic con artist!"

"And? I think you look like the weasels from _Roger Rabbit_, but you don't hear me complaining. This could be our last chance to change the castle for the better. What happens now will bring _Cortex Commandos _onto the global stage and out of the dark ages. Every able-bodied citizen will tremble in complete fear at their impending **DOOM! ***PING* Oooh, my tarts are ready." As N. Gin took the hot tray of freshly baked tarts out of the oven, he heard chatter coming from outside the room. "We have to turn the lights off." Tiny turned them off, then a loud scream was heard as someone tripped N. Gin over, landing face first in the treats.

Dr. Cortex opened the door to darkness with Vincent behind him. "Oh no. Don't tell me they cut off my electricity?"

Everyone jumped out as the lights came back on and '_Celebration' _by Kool & The Gang began to play on a speaker. Dingodile shoved a kazoo in Vincent's mouth and placed a party hat on his head. Komodo Joe (with a camera round his slender neck.), gave him a plain white T-shirt that said 'I Survived Cortex Castle' and took a picture of him. "Ssssay cheesssse." he couldn't sound less excited. Tiny held a pink celebration cake he made himself with far too much icing cascading down the sides, an all manner of sweets on the top, and chocolate sauce laced all over it.

Vincent felt like he needed a dentist just looking at the sugar-coated cake. "Uh, thanks I guess, but I don't like cakes." the music abruptly scratched off and everyone gasped.

"How can you be so cruel?" even Cortex was shocked. "If you go take a seat, my servants will attend to you."

As Vincent walked to the central table, he stretched his legs over N. Gin still knocked out on the floor. He placed his briefcase on the table and let out a massive sigh before sitting down. A tall lanky man came over to him, a man with spectacles and a long-hooked nose like a vulture.

It spoke in a synthesized voice, "_Hello there. Tea or coffee?_"

The Tasmanian devil slumped over the table in confusion.

END OF CHAPTER 2

**Well that's it for this part, poor Vincent had a lot to deal with so far. Anyone think I've captured the other minions well? And for those wondering the guy in the grating is based on the weird hand enemy in the Stormy Levels in the remake of the original **_**Crash Bandicoot**_**.**


	3. Chapter 3: A Viscount Deal

**CASTLE IMPROVEMENT**

**Author's note: Hi ladies and gents. Welcome to the next chapter in my **_**Crash Bandicoot **_**FanFic. In the last chapter, the Viscount Vincent was shown around the travesty that was Cortex Castle, now he wants to discuss with the Cortex crew how to rebuild, innovate and mold the base into a more formidable lair, but has he really got their best interests at heart? **

_**DISCLAIMER: **__Crash Bandicoot is owned by Activision._

**Chapter 3: A Viscount Deal **

In the center of the bright sterile Break Room, Vincent retrieved a notepad from his briefcase. Cortex, N. Gin, Tiny, Dingodile, Pinstripe, Joe, and Ripper Roo sat around the table, quietly anticipating his first question.

"So, Dr. Cortex, what is it that you specialize in, and what's your link with the heroic bandicoot Crash?" the Viscount narrowed his eyes and tapped a pen against his bottom lip smugly.

Cortex felt his face shoot a deep red, "What's that got to do with anything!? Why I despise that **DESPICABLE RODENT?!"** everyone stared at him, then he slumped back in his seat with a look of anguish, "Oh very well. I create mutant super-soldiers for my army known as _Cortex Commandos _for world domination. I obtain these means by blasting wildlife with the Evolvo-Ray – turning them anthropomorphic, and then I'd transfer them into the Cortex Vortex – a machine that brainwashes them to serve only me. Pinstripe, Ripper Roo, and Koala Kong who now lives in Hollywood were the first phase of my mutants. Tiny, the Komodo Bros., and Dingodile came after. I also have a legion of Lab Assistant androids at my back and call. They come in very handy when I don't want my hands getting dirty."

Vincent looked over as a couple of the assistants were clearing up the party gear from earlier. "Incredible. I especially like how well N. Gin turned out; the attention to detail is excellent." he leaned over and prodded a finger on a shocked N. Gin's face as Dingodile and Pinstripe tried desperately to avoid laughing.

"Excuse me, I'm a human!"

"Wow, his intelligence is so advanced, he believes he's equal."

"**Urgh!" **

"He's not an android. N. Gin is the only one of my minions who is human, well technically half as he's a cyborg. He used to work for the defense industry developing missiles and... you can see where I'm going with this." Cortex gestured at N. Gin's lodged missile.

"Oooh." Vincent awkwardly pulled himself back to his chair.

"He certainly makes a great right-hand assistant. He actually had a predecessor; Dr. N. Brio."

Vincent spat out his coffee, "N. Brio? Sounds like a fetus."

"I know right? Anyway, with Nitrus Brio I created what I intended to be the general of my army and that's how Crash Bandicoot came to be. One night we went out to N. Sanity Isle and captured two bandicoots. We brought them back to the castle lab and despite my pleas that the Vortex could not handle another test after Roo here was a technical failure, Brio was persistent in going ahead with the experiment. After we used the Evolvo-Ray on the male, Brio snapped at me to crank the mammal into the Vortex as quickly as possible, a crazy look in his eye. The machine suffered a complete meltdown to our horror, then Crash jumped down and ran around the room, I tried to catch him without any help from my partner. It was unsuccessful as he escaped by, for lack of a better word crashing through a bay window and into the sea below. After that fateful night, I fired N. Brio for overtaking the project, he went on to claim that he invented the Evolvo-Ray which was a complete fabrication."

A thought crossed N. Gin's face, "But boss, you told me- _**MY LEG!**_**" **

"Right, so you're telling me Crash's very existence is your assistant's fault?"

"Absolutely! If we waited until the machine was fit for purpose, that bandicoot would be on my side. Since then Crash has foiled every one of my schemes. He has been a major thorn in my side that I can never ignore!"

"The exact same assistant that blew up your space station with the bandicoot I seem to believe?"

"That was his way to exact his revenge on me."

"Ok then. Now that we've cleared the air, how about we talk about your castle? Obviously, a lot of work is required to tackle the huge amount of problems that exists. An overabundance of pests, floorboards falling through, _that_ flimsy bridge, faulty wiring, etc... it will take time, but with my expertise in the field of real estate you'll all discover it'll be worth it. Now do you have asbestos?"

"Of course, we like our toilet smelling pretty!" replied N. Gin.

"Not Domestos! Asbestos, its microscopic fibers used in materials to make buildings that can travel into your lungs and kill you." everyone looked at each other horrified, Vincent face-palmed as he marked down another note to test for asbestos.

"I've got down everything I need to fix, unfortunately that factory is beyond repair it will need to go. This is also an occasion to add new things. Dr. Cortex, any changes to the lab you'd like to make?"

"Well, I've always wanted a shark tank!"

"Not possible."

"Uh, a tank full of piranhas?"

"Can't do that either. We have ill-tempered sea bass or electric eels?"

"Eels. That'll come as a big shock to Crash, huh? huh?" he nudged Roo who nodded, his long tongue flapping about.

"I usually don't stay here, me and the boys have our own hideout in the town. That being said, it'd be pretty awesome to have a shooting gallery here, my girl Tawna doesn't like guns in the house." Pinstripe folded his arms.

"What I'd like mate is for the Library to be repaired, I like to read Shakespeare, however it's looking more like "Fifty Shades of Green" now.

Tiny pounded the table, "**TINY WANT GYM!" **

"Hmm, I would like a more ssssecret place to make counterfeit jewelsss. Plusss I'm not around that oaf brother of mine." Joe rolled his eyes.

"For the _Cortex Power _factory, I would like to modify it into a robot production facility, imagine what we could accomplish. There's no room in the castle to do that kind of stuff." commented N. Gin.

Vincent stuck his tongue out as he finished writing down recommendations. "Well, that's everyone, oh I'm sorry Ripper Roo, what do you want?" Roo wrote his request on a sheet of paper with the use of his sharp toes, "An amusement park? That might be tricky, but I'll see what I can do. Next, are there any other people who visit?"

"Why yes, my boss a floating mask called Uka Uka, Dr. Nefarious Tropy the _so-called_ 'Master of Time', and there's also my beautiful niece Nina Cortex." Dr. Cortex revealed a photo of Nina dressed in her new school uniform with her extending her bionic fist to punch Cortex for taking it.

"Aww, cute kid. She at school?"

"Mmhm, she studies at Madame Amberly's Academy of Evil, my old school."

"Oh, I've heard of that place. Is it even legal?"

"Got me there."

"Let's continue on shall we- Hang on, if Nina is your niece, why does she have your surname?"

Cortex felt like a deer caught in headlights before he thought of something. "Actually, that's none of your business." he glared at the man directly opposite him.

"Ok, I'll back off, just curious is all. Now let's discuss the subject of payment. I estimate the work to be no more than $1000 and I find it better to be paid in installments as it's so much easier, plus less pressure off you guys. So how much can you manage today? $200? $100?"

Neo looked glum "Um, $1. I'm bone dry." he shook his wallet and a single dollar along with a dust cloud seeped out.

Vincent's expression changed from an eager smile to a sad frown. "Woah, I never knew just how bad it was with your finances. It's no wonder the place is falling to bits. Tell you what, forget the dollar I'll be more than happy to do the entire construction free of charge."

The faces of the Cortex crew lit up, apart from Pinstripe's.

"Are you sure about this? Why?" beamed Cortex.

"Listen, I make tons of money off of other projects to keep me going. I was lucky to be born stinkin' rich, but you weren't. You all have great personalities too. Think about it and give me a call, I'll see myself out." with that he stood up, packed his gear and left the room.

"Mind how you go!" shouted Cortex.

"Oh, I will!" replied Vincent sarcastically.

Pinstripe carefully watched him exit and came up with an excuse to confront him. "Well that was insightful. Just gonna go take out the trash."

This caused his boss to chuckle "Uh, Pinstripe. You feeling ok?"

"No high temperature mate." The irritated potoroo swiped Dingo's hand away.

* * *

As he walked through the dark hallways once again, the Viscount paused at a set of doors bordered with black and yellow hazard stripes, the lock was code protected and marked on the doors; 'LAB ASSISTANT GENERATOR' with a warning; 'NO DUMB MUTANTS!', Vincent shook his head and continued on his way out.

Unknown to him, Pinstripe was sneaking close behind doing rolls and crawling along the floor like when he was an ordinary potoroo.

Outside in the front, Pinstripe hid behind a wall as he used his long sensitive ears to listen to Vincent. The billionaire reached into his undercoat for something. "Man, I've been dying to do this all afternoon." As Pinstripe extended his ear, he heard the sound of a dynamite being lit.

"Alright pal, you've had your fun, now put 'em up!" he popped up and aimed his gun. Vincent immediately did as he was told facing his back towards the mobster. "So, you think 'coz you can't squeeze any dough outta Cortex you think 'Oh I'll just blow him sky high then', why I..." as he walked to the front of Vincent, he realized it wasn't a dynamite he was lighting, it was a cigar which was hanging out of his mouth. "Oh, sorry 'bout dat."

"Nah, don't worry. I've just not had one since last night." he took a big puff, "Ohh, that's the sweet stuff."

"Heh, you know I've never actually tried one of them." the pair sat down on some fake grass N. Gin had put down to liven up the place.

Vincent pulled another one out and gave it to Pinstripe. "Here, my treat."

"Thanks, but I..." he tried, but Vincent simply placed it in his mouth and lit it. His eye pupils went all sorts of colors as he smoked it before coughing, "My God! How strong is 'dat?"

"A Maduro, comes from the Dominican Republic. Makes you feel like a right proper gent."

"I guess, but geez. Well, since we're getting to know one another, what genuinely makes you think you can take on this eyesore, I mean where would you even start?" the two smartly-dressed men puffed away as they talked. It was the beginning of sunset.

"I guarantee it will be a big puzzle to solve, but bear in mind you get jigsaw pieces of all shapes and funny sizes but they still manage to fit together in the end."

"Now that's a cool way of lookin' at it. You know, when I first met you this morning, I wasn't certain if you were on the level, and now I sit here thinking 'maybe it is time to upgrade this base' who else would? Know what I'm sayin'?"

"My friend, you have nothing to fear."

* * *

That night, Cortex had trouble sleeping. Not only because he was thinking about the Viscount's offer, but Joe slept in the same room and his snores comprised of hissing incensed him to the nth degree. With wide bloodshot eyes, he peered over at the Komodo dragon, his forked tongue flickering as he snoozed. After rubbing his tired eyeballs, the mad doctor decided to go for a stroll through the castle.

N. Gin slept in his office, the office that used to belong to N. Brio. After turning into a monster in his battle with Crash, he fell out the window leaving a gaping hole which lets cool air in, although it didn't faze N. Gin in the slightest as he snuggled up in his bunny pjs with his pink fuzzy slippers at his bedside. Tiny and Dingodile both slept in the Dungeon where the hybrid had set up a small fire to keep warm. Ripper Roo was content sleeping in a room stocked-full of TNTs. Pinstripe decided to stay the night and slept in the Break Room, his gun in the crook of his arm and the cigar Vincent gave him in his other hand.

Cortex meandered up to the Main Lab, the only source of light coming off of numerous rays. He steered his gaze to the moonlit horizon over the Pacific Ocean. He briefly turned his head towards N. Sanity Island. He didn't like to admit someone being smarter than him, but Vincent was right. If he were ever to be taken seriously as a villain, he will have to make some major changes. Holding the business card, he stopped for an instant and spotted the phone.

* * *

Among the gorgeous rolling hills of Tasmania lies the Viscount's mansion. Along from the Rocky Hills, the manor sat in an open plain with a crystal blue lake on one side that contained his docked boat and a green coniferous forest on the other. The mansion's decor was a splendid mix of white, and blue on the roof tiles. Two massive windows that puts Cortex's window to shame and even a white limo on the driveway, not to mention it was a few miles from any major roads so there were some peaceful times.

Approaching 1AM, Vincent was happily snoozing in his king size bed, cuddling into a dollar cushion that made a _ka-ching_ sound whenever he squeezed it. His phone began ringing, wearing a sleep mask he bolted up and quickly answered it.

"Hello, **DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS?! **Oh, it's you Dr. Cortex. Great, I'll be there by lunchtime tomor- err today. Yes, see you then." he hung the phone on the handle and walked to his bed, however instead of getting into bed, he poured himself a glass of rosy wine, and held it towards the stars.

"Here's to a better Cortex Castle."

END OF CHAPTER 3

**My that was a long chapter, however I felt it was warranted since I hadn't done one since September. Like always, any thoughts and suggestions are welcome. :-) **


	4. Chapter 4: A New Dawn

**CASTLE IMPROVEMENT**

**Authors note: Now that Cortex Castle has been given the go ahead to be rebuilt, Vincent breaks the news to the tenants that they'll have to stay elsewhere as they have to be away for their own safety. What follows is a series of escapades with the doctors and mutants doing their best to find temporary accommodation in Wumpa Town which could prove difficult, I mean would you take them in? **

**Eventually, an opportunity comes up in the form of a new theme park, owned by a man of bizarre tendencies... **

_**DISCLAIMER**__: Crash Bandicoot is owned by Activision._

**Chapter 4: A New Dawn **

The following day, Cortex stirred from a deep sleep, feeling the glare of the bright sun. Another day of searing heat. He tore his forehead off of the armrest and groaned with a big stretch. He focused on his watch. It was after twelve. The doctor bolted up and sped across the Lab and spoke into an intercom; "_ATTENTION ALL CORTEX PERSONAL: GET YOURSELVES READY! VINCENT WILL BE ATTENDING SHORTLY_!"

Doctor Cortex went through his normal morning routine, well almost normal. First, to save water and what little electricity there was to power the castle, he avoided a shower and simply washed himself at a sink before he put on black clothing, a fresh white lab coat many of which he had a vast collection, along with yellow gloves (he also has a red pair with matching boots). With no razor available, he decided to give his pointy beard a small trim with the use of Komodo Joe's scimitar, taking great care. He gave his black springy hair a brush, and the final touch? Giving the metallic N on the front of his cranium a polish, the N that reminded him of the mockery he suffered from others for his brilliant ideas.

He was later seen running down the stairs with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. As he entered the lounge area, he was surprised to see everyone else up - N. Gin was sitting at a long table whilst in the corner the mutants were watching TV. Cortex marched up to N. Gin who was drawing a diagram of future plans.

"N. Gin, why didn't you wake me? You know what's happening today." at that moment he was using mouthwash and the chair on the other side spun round and Vincent revealed himself.

"Ah. Glad you decided to join us, Doctor."

Cortex was so surprised he spat the cool mint wash right in N. Gin's face stinging his eye and causing him to shriek, "**Arrgghhhh!** Don't do this at home kids, I am a trained professional. **Agghhh!"** He ran about the room in agony, but the others paid little attention.

"So where do you need me to sign?"

"Oh, there's really no need. Your assistant already did so." Vincent confirmed as he sipped the last of his tea.

"He did, did he? N. Gin?" Cortex innocently called out, he held his hand out and slapped N. Gin's sore eye which made Vincent wince. How could N. Gin sign _his_ castle off to this developer without his final answer? "Is that everything then?"

"Well, there is just the little subject of where you should stay as you can't be here during the whole process. Health and Safety protocol, I'm afraid. Perhaps a hotel or a friend's house?"

"Oh great. That's simple enough for us evil villains to do. Also, I don't have many friends and a few individuals still have minor grudges against me." He said with a small tinge of sadness.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out." Once again, the Viscount packed his gear and exited.

After a piercing glance towards N. Gin, Cortex walked over to his underlings sitting on the couch to announce the news. They were watching _Cooking with Rusty Walrus_.

He turned off the TV which swiftly grabbed their attention. "Hey, what's the big idea? We was watching dat!" fired Pinstripe.

Tiny stood up and roared creating a small force of wind, "**TINY WANT TO WATCH..." **

"Tiny, sit!" Cortex barked back and tapped his foot on the floor, the tiger immediately sat on his hind.

Joe shook his head, "Ssstupid mammalssss. Can't turn on their limited minds for jussst a few minutesss."

"Your awful brave saying that, mate!" Dingodile cradled his flamethrower, while Pinstripe cocked his gun. Even Ripper Roo was giving Joe an icy stare.

Cortex rubbed his temples, '_Sometimes I wonder how I came to be surrounded by incompetent idiots_', he pulled his ray gun out of his pocket and set it to Freeze. He blasted the group of mutants which immobilized them, although they could still blink.

Cortex began pacing around them explaining what will happen next, "As you will all be aware, the base is going under some extensive renovation, err a lot of it to be exact, so for our safety we have been advised to find somewhere else to stay until the construction is done.", the phone rang "N. Gin, would you get that please? Realistically I don't see one hotel within the archipelago that would willingly accommodate us, so any suggestions of where to stay will be welcomed. Now, I'm going to unfreeze you, when I do can you please stay calm?"

They could only blink, "_Uhh-huh." _they said in unison.

With a blast of his ray, they were mobile again. "Joe, do you think your brother Moe would let us crash at his for a bit?"

"Are you kidding?! No way! He'd..." Joe noticed everyone eyeing him up for losing his cool, "I mean, I doubt that would work. He dessspises me, plusss I don't even know his whereaboutsss."

"Hmm, no major concern. We have today and tomorrow to ponder all about it."

N. Gin shuffled up next to Cortex, "I don't know how to say this boss, but that was the Viscount. He wants us out in two hours."

Neo's jaw almost hit the ground.

* * *

Two hours later Team Cortex bar Tiny and Dingodile were waiting for Vincent on the beach near the old factory. Most of them had either one or two suitcases, of course N. Gin helped carry Cortex's luggage. Cortex spotted Pinstripe smoking the cigar the Tasmanian devil gave him the other day. "Still smoking that cigar?"

"Darn right. You should try it."

"I'll pass. It's still a filthy habit." As he returned his gaze to the sea, Cortex wondered if he had bitten off more than he could chew going through with Vincent's offer. This was a guy who turned out of the blue and upon closer inspection he looked like a classic phony car salesman with the fancy suit and slick hair, however once Cortex has his mind set there's very little that would convince him otherwise. Plus, the sooner the work gets started the sooner he can get back to plotting that Bandicoot's demise. He looked down his line of minions and realized two were missing, "What's taking those two buffoons?"

"Dingo! Dingo! Dingo!", the hybrid popped up from behind a rock and soaked the rest with a water cannon, he was also wearing bright pink summer shorts, sunglasses and a blue cap, "Check out what I found!"

"Yeh, I think we all have. Mah suit!" as the potoroo checked over his dripping suit he noticed the water jet had propelled his cigar into the sea, "Ohhh." Meanwhile Cortex stifled a snicker at his frustration.

"Dingodile, why are you wearing those ridiculous clothes? This isn't a summer vacation!" shouted N. Gin, his missile emitting smoke.

"Sorry mate, I just thought it would brighten things up."

"Dare I ask, where's Tiny?" Cortex asked.

"_**TINY IS READY!"**_ Tiny came running from around the corner of the factory exterior. He was wearing a rather tight Hawaiian pineapple shirt (without his spike shoulder pads), yellow shorts and sandals.

Not even a second of looking at one another lasted before they all erupted into belly busting laughter at the ludicrous sight, "Hahaha! Tiny, you are too much!" his boss was wiping away tears.

"Tiny blend in." the muscular tiger stood proud.

"A disguise does not change your persona you imbecile."

Ripper Roo in his Gentleman Suit nodded his head yes, giving a knowing wink to Tiny.

"Look sssir! Emerging from the ssssea."

An object appeared out of the crisp sea air which turned out to be a white speedboat. After a wave from Vincent, he stopped sideways at the beach, unfortunately for Cortex and co. it caused a mini tidal wave that soaked them all, Dingo didn't mind it as much considering what he was wearing.

The Viscount stepped out of the boat, "Glad to see you all here, including you Dr. Cortex."

"Hey, it wasn't my fault I slept in!" Cortex defended himself as he threw away a fish that landed on top his head.

"No matter we'll overlook that. I see you're ready to go."

"Just about. In a few minutes, we'll be off in my best home away from home; my private airship, the best and only way to fly!"

Vincent held up a finger, "Uh no actually. It's not just the castle I'm renovating, your dirigible also needs an upgrade. Hey Tiny, love the shirt." This earned a gleaming smile from Tiny who folded his arms at his doubters.

"That's insane! My airship is perfect the way it is!"

"I'm sorry, but Dr. N. Gin signed the contract that allowed not only the castle to be fixed, but also the airship, which is legally binding." Everyone darted their eyes at N. Gin.

"You drongo!"

"Well done, genius! How do we get to Wumpa Island now?" Cortex thought out loud.

* * *

A bit later Vincent was at least kind enough to drop off Team Cortex at the island, however he probably regretted it as Tiny threw up on the boat ride. "Thank you and my sincere apologies for the mess!" Cortex waved as he faked a smile of gratitude before looking N. Gin in the eye. "I was planning on using the airship as a living space for the time being. Now it's in the hands of someone else again!" Indeed, Crash and Tawna also stole his airship following his first ever battle with the marsupial and the couple used it to explore their new life together.

"Riggght... Not that this hasn't been 'educational', but I gotta head home." Pinstripe flicked his toothpick and headed off the jetty towards a road.

"Marvellous idea, Pinstripe! Of course, we'll stay at your place."

The mobster froze his stance, "Hehe, you wouldn't wanna stay at mine's, the boys and I make a right mess."

"You forget who you're talkin' to, chum?" Dingodile chimed.

"Grr... Fine, but the misses ain't gonna like this."

Pinstripe phoned his driver, Fat, another potoroo gangster who was a bit more rounded in the belly area. He rolled up in a stylish black and pink 1930s' Cadillac Sedan. "How's it goin', Fat? Get some more barrels ordered in? Ya never know when that rat will show! Haha." He beckoned his passengers into the car.

After tossing the luggage in the trunk, Cortex, Tiny, Dingodile and N. Gin took their seats in the back, whilst Pinstripe, Roo and Joe ride shotgun, with Fat still driving. He spoke with a gruffer accent compared to his boss, "Yeh, business is good, apart from someone buying up all our TNTs again." the Don eyeballed Roo, who gave a nervous chuckle as the car cruised down the dry track.

The land mass of Wumpa Island is immense, by far the biggest in the vicinity. It also contains the most diverse locations; you have your standard jungle, beach, waterfall and ancient ruin themes, additionally there is a beautiful, but cold wonderland to the south called the Frozen Coast comprised of different shaped icebergs, a desolate desert region known as the Wasteland a scorching and unforgiving place; travelers are advised to avoid it, and a dark, gloomy mountain.

Near the sea and away from the exotic habitats lies Wumpa Town – A peaceful community that started relatively small, but has since boomed in popularity. There has been a surge in anthropomorphic residents, although none are the work of Neo Cortex himself. Human visitors even came to the island once in a while for a vacation, having heard of the adventures of Crash Bandicoot. In the Town Square and Park there was even a statue erected, dedicated to the hero in his iconic 'Crash Dance' pose. Other points of interest include the Lighthouse and Harbor, a Fishmonger, a Farmers' Market, an Arcade, the Wumpa Diner, the Nitro Nightclub and the Tiki Bar.

For tourists there is Lost Tours; special boat trips that take people around the ruins of the Lost City of Lemuria over on Pyro Island, and the N. Sanity Funfair, an amusement park built entirely on a pier where Ripper Roo is their most frequent guest (Part of the reason he gave Vincent his request for the new castle).

Cortex rolled down his window as the smell of fresh fish hit his face. Tiny leaned over and stuck his head out like a dog would, as Roo did the same.

The gang car arrived at Pinstripe's Hideout on the outskirts of the settlement in a particular seedy area. It was a decent building, with a red exterior and blue roof. There is a garage underneath where Pinstripe keeps cars inspired by some of his favorite Mafia movies. This was also a social hangout for him and his mob with their own bar, and dabbed in such activities as snooker, poker, darts, and Bag-A-Bandicoot – a shooting game which they only played whenever Tawna was away. In the back is the Don's personal office, a shadowy place straight out of a Crime novel where he takes care of 'business', with a brown desk, his full name on a plaque (Don Pinstripelli Potorotti), black leather chairs and the classic blinds.

Pinstripe led the doctors and other mutants into the dimly lit club, but a couple of members in his mob shielded their eyes at the brightly clothed Tiny and Dingodile.

"Yaah! I'm blind!"

Pinstripe scratched the back of his head, "Heh, sorry. If you don't mind?"

The titans grumbled as they changed into their normal gear.

Pinstripe continued up to his private penthouse. He stuck his long nose around the front door, before peeking his face round.

A smooth voice like butter came from a room "_Honey, is that you?" _

"You guys zip it, and let me do the talkin'. It's me, Tawny."

N. Gin chortled, "Tawny?" before Pinstripe shushed him.

The blonde bandicoot Tawna walked through a doorway, she was dressed in a black strap mini dress with white pinstripes and a thigh split which boasted her tall figure, heels, pink lipstick, hazy eye makeup and a fluffy scarf. Her hair was still in a bouffant style, her fringe covering one eye, "Hi, baby. You like it?"

"Wow! You look smokin' babe!" his eyes practically bulged out of his skull.

She giggled at his response and just noticed the Cortex crew, "Oh, hi-ya boys. Just a sec." She went to the kitchen to get something with Pinstripe following close behind her. The others smirked at his disposition.

Tawna came back with a tray full of homemade chocolate chip muffins, "Here you go fellas, fresh muf-" the tray was scrubbed clean, "-fins. Gee, work up an appetite?"

"Yes, merely the same old, causing people great misfortune and much suffering." Cortex munched his snack as he began staring at Pinstripe intently, nodding his head at Tawna.

Pinstripe casually placed his arm around her shoulder, "Listen, babe, there's a few problems goin' on at the castle right now and... Well... Cortex was wondering if they could stay here for a while?"

"Ohh, of course, they can stay 'til tonight."

"Umm, not just tonight, but for at least a week?"

Tawna's smile froze as she shut the door so she could talk to her boyfriend, leaving the rest in the stone-cold hallway. "Her face didn't look too reassuring."

"Rubbish, N. Gin. Have faith."

Inside, "I'm sorry hun, but they can't stay here. There's no room and have you forgotten? Cortex tried to turn me evil. So, no."

"Really?"

"Hmm, I can make one exception."

Tawna opened the door to a grinning Cortex which made her jump, "Great, so are we roomies?"

"I'm afraid we don't have enough room, but you can stay with us, Ripper Roo. I think your kinda cute." The others stared in disbelief as Roo bounced into the apartment, tipped his top hat and blew them a raspberry.

"Well, he's lost my vote!"

* * *

Back outside, Cortex, N. Gin, Tiny, Dingodile and Joe dragged their cases along the sidewalk, "I was just cast aside like nothing! I can't believe the nerve of that Roo! As for Pinstripe, you can plainly see who wears the pants in that '_relationship'_. Dingodile, if you ever see him again, you have my permission to fry him."

He licked his lips, "No bother. Could go for some deep fried potoroo."

However, from behind the side of a house slipped out Slim, yet another henchman of the mob. In contrast to Fat, Slim was thinner and even taller than Pinstripe, with buckteeth and a blue suit. He started hitting his palm with a crowbar and spoke with a more nasally accent, "Yous talkin' smack about the boss? Mr. Potoroo don't take kindly for that sorta behaviour. Here, curtesy of the Don himself." he handed them an envelope and disappeared into the shadows. Opening it, Cortex pulled out a few hundred Wumpa Notes along with a handwritten message, '_Dear Doctor Cortex, to show that there are no hard feelings about turning you away, here's some dough to keep you afloat for a few days. Sincerely, Don Pinstripe Potoroo.' _

"Tiny feel baaad."

The group casually strolled into the midst of Wumpa Town, where a few people were keeping a nervous eye on the villains. Coming up to the Fishmongers near the harbor, they noticed a 'Lodger available' sign. Inside was a hefty amount of seafood ranging from haddock to lobster. They were greeted by the obese owner Capu Capu, a man with a black beard of aboriginal descent. His dialect was a bit tilted and very thick, "Welcome to fish market! Want fish for eat? We have tuna, salmon, cod..." as he listed items, Tiny and Joe began salivating, having not ate anything since the muffins nor a decent meal, "trout, jellyfish, squid, and crab."

"Excuse me?"

"_Crab_ I say."

"Ohh. Well, wondrous as your delightful spread is, it's regarding your lodger sign."

Capu Capu nodded and led Cortex and N. Gin to a flight of stairs, leaving the other three alone. Out of the corner of his eye, Cortex thought he had seen a fish that looked exactly like Crash, but he simply put it down to hunger. The market itself was contained inside a man-made hut with a straw roof and log walls. A monolithic totem pole stood in the center with tribal faces inscribed over it.

Upstairs was a comfy bed sit, a stark contrast to Neo's cold room back in the castle; a rug with a totem god em-blazed over it, hammocks of various lengths, a mini stove, warm and lively colors such as bright green and blue, a banana leaf skylight which could open with the pull of a rope. Heck, there was even a toilet that actually worked. To Cortex, although nothing matches his more modern way of living, for his current situation, he could not ask for any better. Capu Capu began speaking in his native langue.

Naturally Cortex could not make sense of his speech until N. Gin translated, "He says we are welcome to stay free of charge, provided we help out in the market."

After an odd look Cortex shook Capu Capu's hand, "It's settled."

"Enjoy this place you will." he lumbered away and let the two doctors soak in the room.

Cortex placed his hands on his hips, "So, you can speak the native language? You never told me."

"You never asked."

Cortex rolled his eyes, "Forget it. This place is perfect." Suddenly they heard unintelligible shouting coming from downstairs, "Oh, _great._"

Reaching the bottom of the stairs Cortex gave a girlish shriek at what he saw; the entire stock of fish was gone, instead replaced by heaps of bones and lying on the floor was a _very _full Tiny and Joe, the tiger using a piece of bone to clean his fangs and the Komodo dragon hanging his head in shame. "I have dissshonoured mysself."

Dingodile approached Cortex and N. Gin looking disappointed, "Thought you boys had more will power, for shame. Sorry boss, I tried to stop 'em."

"Dingodile, I can see a fish sticking out of your pants."

He quickly gobbled it up, "What fish?"

A furious Capu Capu popped up behind them and banged the floor with a makeshift staff, "You must pay for whole market! Lizard and large cat cost me big time!"

Cortex rummaged his back pocket for something, "Heh, well, you see, the thing about that is *_**BZZZ**_*" the man was stunned and collapsed onto his back with a boom which caused the ground to shake briefly, "I think it's time to make ourselves scarce, now that the animals have been fed." he glared at his minions. Cortex was well aware that Capu Capu had his own legion of tribesmen and knowing they will come looking for their chief, he does not need more trouble on his back.

* * *

The villains decided to try their luck in the local hotels. Maybe they were incredibly naïve or even stupid, but at this point they were desperate. In a quiet spot near the beach, a new hotel; Palm Springs presented something of a chance as it was recently built by human settlers, a moderately clean B&B with tall, twisting palm trees on the grounds and a swimming pool in the backyard. Considering that the owners never met Cortex before, he thought he would try the direct, 'honest' approach.

Firstly, Cortex and N. Gin entered after ordering the three mutants to stay outside, and to not scare anyone. The lobby was a grandiose design, with a dark brown decor, maroon velvet seats, sparkling crystal chandeliers and a staircase reminiscent of Titanic's Grand Staircase with golden steps and handrails. The doctors caught themselves whistling as they walked to the reception. A smart woman with a brunette hair bun browsed up from her computer.

"Evening, my sweet. I'm Dr. Neo Cortex, I am a doctor of genetics and my friend Dr. N. Gin is an expert in missile technologies, you might know of his patented 'Clear-the-Road' missile system. No? Anyway, I require a double-room with breakfast for at least three days and I also have three pets if that's authorized?"

"Perfect. We do allow pets, so long as they're house-trained and not wild animals."

"Of course, they're house-trained."

"Pet names?"

Neo began stammering, "Uh, Mr. Tiny, Dingo, and Jojo."

N. Gin brought in a snarling Tiny attached to a lead, he tried to stand up, "Heel, Mr. Tiny, heel." A guest's chihuahua appeared startled and started yelping at the monstrosity in front of it.

Dingodile came in crawling along the floor and bared his teeth at a confused bellhop, followed by Joe who hissed at him.

The woman at the counter dropped her pen in shock, "There is no way those beasts are staying!"

"Come on. Once you get to know them their really... **TINY! SPIT OUT THAT DOG THIS INSTANT!" **

Unsurprisingly, they were refused accommodation. Outside another hotel, N. Gin had a plan. "I have something that could offer us great assistance in obtaining a place and keeping you three morons out of the way. We must move quickly."

He reached into his case and revealed a small box. He pressed a button on it which caused it to increase in size. It was a crate with disembodied eyeballs on it.

"Ahh, an Invisibility Crate."

"Exactly, we'll sneak the mutants in and the management won't be aware of their existence. I only have one so don't waste this."

N. Gin instructed his subordinates to break open the crate at the same time and quite rightly they turned invisible. After booking a room, Tiny coughed causing the receptionist to glace over at Cortex and N. Gin who smiled innocently. The suspicious owner walked up to them. He clicked his fingers and a waiter came running out of the dining room, "Pepper, please."

Cortex and N. Gin raised their eyes. The waiter returned with a pepper shake and waved it in the air spreading black pepper. At that point Dingodile felt a sneeze build up in his nostril and despite his best efforts to ignore it he gave a massive sneeze, then all three became visible. The owner crossed his arms and kicked them out.

It came to a point some hotels would not even let the group in, despite Cortex attempting a sad face and getting N. Gin to play a violin.

Out of hotels, they somehow got back to the only place they know best, "You can't be serious?" Vincent stood at the door of the castle.

* * *

It was approaching sunset and the temperatures reached boiling point. Back in Wumpa Town, at the Park, Cortex was staring up at the Crash statue, "It's like your mocking me." He returned to a bench where Dingodile was sitting. He sat down and buried his face in his hands. His eyes appeared redder than normal due to stress.

N. Gin appeared. "We're out of our depth, N. Gin. I give up."

"So, we're not going ahead with the 'Beautiful Women' plan?"

"Let's face the facts; you and me haven't got the figure, I have a beard and you have a mechanized voice. Plus, I don't want to see Tiny in a dress. Ugh."

"Ok then." N. Gin secretly dumped a box of womens clothes in a bin, along with makeup and wigs. "So, what's the plan now?"

"Let's just say you'd better get used to catching splinters, because I have a feeling we'll be sleeping on these benches tonight."

Tiny and Joe returned with tubs of ice cream, "Iccce cream?"

"Why thank you. This'll perk my day up splendidly." as he observed the cold sweet, he noticed something strange about the smell and immediately gagged, "What flavor is this?"

"Tuna Twist, mate."

Neo spotted the tub's logo, "Darn polar bear."

Meanwhile, on a stage in the center of the park, a short green German cyborg was about to make an announcement. He spoke through an orange megaphone, but there was no feedback coming through. After a few good whacks he simply tossed it to the side, set up a small step ladder and spoke through a microphone on a podium.

"_May I have your attention please?! I ze great Ebenezer Von Clutch vould like to announce ze amusement park of ze future! __**Von Clutch's MOTORWORLD!"**_ no one even looked up in curiosity. "Verdammt! Pasadena, could you?"

Donned in her blue racing suit, Pasadena O'Possum gave a big whistle and whipped her long tail. "Ya'll better listen up! Ol Von Clutch has sumin' to say or we're gonna have problems."

One idiot from the crowd spoke up, "Aww, a pretty little thing like you?"

Pasadena grabbed the guy by the neck with her tail, "You were sayin'?"

"_I stand corrected." _

Someone else mocked Von Clutch, "So, like, what are you supposed to be? A jawbreaker or a Martian?"

"_Ho-ho! We got a comedian over here. You are a funny guy! I'm a regular human like yourself. Just more handsome. Now, onto ze agenda."_ He unveiled a map of his park on a display board, comprising of one central area and five themed lands; Pirate, Prehistoric, Space, Egypt and Fairy Tales.

The speech caught the attention of N. Gin.

Von Clutch extended his bionic foot and used it as a pointer, "_As you can see, MotorWorld is a huge theme park based around my favorite activity of all time; RACING!"_ again no one seemed all that motivated, _"Really? Is everyone around here boring? Ze park has so many thrill rides and mayhem it's almost illegal. I'm still putting the final touches in a few places and will soon be open to anyone who has a thirst for excitement. I like to call myself a people person, one who interacts on a daily biases with my wonderful customers. Therefore, instead of 'experts' walking around mein park, I'd like to invite a few members of my target audience to be the first guests, five to be accurate." _

Cortex turned his head with great interest as Tiny counted up how many of them there were.

"_Those who join, will also have zee joy of overnight stays and VIP treatments. Plus, all the churros you can eat!"_

A street lamp over Cortex lit up, "Bingo." It became short-lived however as lots of people stormed towards the stage, now ecstatic to go to MotorWorld. Cortex had to think fast. Still holding the ice cream, he looked up at Tiny and a sly smile formed on his lips.

Von Clutch and Pasadena were overwhelmed by the response, "Zis is even better than I imagined. Take zis as a lesson, Pasadena, _zis is how you generate ze interest of dummkopfs. _Opps." he accidentally leaned on the mic button. "Who shall ve select?"

"What in the name of sweet Texas is that!?"

A feral tiger erupted into a raging episode causing everyone to run away in panic. Tiny's mouth was lined with ice cream giving the impression he had rabies. He bellowed a mighty roar before pretending to collapse, only a few people remained. A lady placed her hand against her chest, "Aw, the poor thing. It needs to be put out of its misery. Randall, get your gun from the car."

Tiny's eyeballs shot open as the woman's husband returned with a shotgun, "Don't worry son, you'll hardly feel a thing."

Thankfully, Dingodile and Joe came to his aid, "There you are you naughty boy!"

"For the lassst time, you're going to the vet."

After a look of slight confusion, the couple began to walk away, "Thank goodness. Just make sure you get him to a vet. He looks absolutely revolting."

"Heh, will do."

Tiny jumped up and wiped his mouth. Looking worried, he grabbed hold of Dingodile, "Tiny hate vet."

Joe slapped his own face with a groan.

With the Park empty, Von Clutch decided to go. "Valiant attempt Ebenezer, but today is not ze day."

"We'll get it one day."

As he and Pasadena walked down the stairs of the stage, they encountered Cortex leaning on a tree, "Good evening."

"Ja? What's so good about it?"

"My sympathies. People can be so rude sometimes."

Pasadena was weary, "Hm, you have anything to do with that animal hopped up on rabies?"

"Why no."

N. Gin joined him "Tiny's all better now." he gave an obvious wink.

"Ok that animal is mine, but I didn't know he had it."

"You certain you want to come? It's just you don't really seem the type zat races."

"Hey, we have raced before. Against a grouchy alien with a trunk."

Pasadena and Von Clutch exchanged strange looks, "Ok?"

Cortex then explained their situation and sure enough Von Clutch was more than eager to let them visit his park, however as a helicopter arrived with MotorWorld branding, Cortex and his henchmen had to wear blindfolds and ear plugs, to provide the feeling of transporting to a different world. The pilot was a person in a green bio-hazard suit with a gas mask.

With his first guests picked out, Von Clutch and Pasadena guided them into his chopper. She touched his arm with her tail, "You sure this is wise, Ebenezer? We don't know these critters."

"Ergo, they don't know whom ve are, und besides, Wumpa Cheeks won't return my calls. I have no other option."

END OF CHAPTER 4

**Hmm, what could Von Clutch be up to? **

**For those who don't know, the proprietor of the Fish Market, Capu Capu is a deleted character from **_**Crash Twinsanity, **_**he would have drove the boat from N. Sanity Island to Cortex's Iceberg Lab. He actually has written dialogue in the game as he is the one who says "Come in to my boat furry man. I will take you to the other place." to Crash. To me, this indicates he is on friendly terms with Crash or at least not as mean as Papu Papu the other native chief. As you can see though, he still has his limits. **

**I have also made Wumpa Island (From Crash of the Titans and Mind over Mutant) and Pyro Island (the unnamed Middle Island from the First Game) separate islands. The other islands are Cortex Island, N. Sanity Island, and far off, the Academy of Evil. **


End file.
